remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
