cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
