awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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