capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
