Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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