Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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