i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
