i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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