yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
