dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
