Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
