Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
