Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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