Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
