Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
