He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
