At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
