Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
