why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
