hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
