She said her name was "party"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
