did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
