See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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