Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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