my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
