So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
