Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
