after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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