she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
