Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
