just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
