she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
