Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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