"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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