You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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