Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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