Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
