was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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