I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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