do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
