I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
