i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
