she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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