I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
