so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
