Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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