i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So many bounce houses so little time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
