I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
