i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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