WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
