need another drink. this is the easiest way
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
