i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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