sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
